Ugh, snatching defeat from the Jaws of Victory. Something I know all too well from this stupid streak the Pirates have had most of my life. It doesn’t get any easier though as the Pirates face off against their arch nemesis, the Poo Crew.
How doesn’t Karstens have ten wins by now? How many teams does this guy have to plow through to get double digits? Can we please score a bunch of runs for this guy already? Actually he wasn’t all that good against the Cardinals in his last outing. We will let that slide because he has been amazing, and the Pirates got the win.
Butttttt he did pick up a win in the previous outing.
Narveson on the other hand is on my list of people who annoy me. He cuts his finger before the Pirates series and then throws my whole preview into complete and utter disarray. Who does he think he is? Can I make a suggestion for Chris Narveson?
Look at that thing! For the guy who doesn’t know if he wants to be a chef or a night. Imagine the grip he could get on his pitches with a freaking chain mail glove on his hand. Protection, efficiency, and a hell of a pitching aid.
Narveson lucked out and played the Astros before cutting off his whole entire left hand.
And he would get the win! UGH I HATE WINS AND LOSSES FOR PITCHERS!
Big Jeff has only faced the Poo Crew once this season, surprising actually. He would pick up the loss, not surprising actually as the Pirates would get decimated by the Brewers, not surprising actually, 8-2.
You know what Kevin Correia calls that type of outing? A win usually.
Narveson would have more outings against the Pirates this season, but he decided to cut his hand completely off while trying to win one of those freaking lumberjack competitions. He had to go all out because he placed fourth in the axe throw, and really wanted a medal in his last event.
And honestly who could blame him for wanting to bring honor to his household? Besides what else is there to do in Milwaukee besides brewing crappy beer, playing for a whiny, crappy baseball team, and cutting stuff with a big saw contraption?
So his one and only outing against the Pirates? A win of course.
The Brewers would win 8-2. Wait, 8-2? You know what that means don’t you?
You bet your ass that is a Pit Fighter reference! This rematch is for many of the marbles. Will Jeff Karstens come out and slay the dragon known as the Brewers, or will Chris Narveson do what he did last time, mediocrely take down the cursed Buccos?
If their HOME/ROAD splits have anything to do with it Karstens has the edge!
Karstens home numbers were actually quite good, but that one nine run outing completely decimated them. Still I will take his current home numbers, very solid, and really quite consistent with the type of pitcher he has been all year.
Narveson on the other hand has sucked out loud on the road.
And of course by awful I mean his ERA is bad. He actually hasn’t been too terrible on the road, just average in my opinion.
So now it’s career stats time! I know many don’t feel they are relevant but I personally like history, and think to an extent they are relevant. Just like any stat in use.
Karstens is looking for his very first win against the Brewers, but he hasn’t been awful lifetime.
He’s obviously been hurt more by being a Pirates pitcher against the Brewers than with his own pitching performances.
Narveson has had quite a bit of success against the Pirates in his career.
Pretty odd how their records are almost inverse but otherwise Karstens has actually pitched better in some respects.
Prediction – I think Karstens will do fine, but the bullpen seems to have been getting worked recently. Narveson on the other hand is just coming off the DL. The fact that the Pirates score about as often as Bud Bundy not withstanding, I think the Pirates have a legit shot here to beat Narveson. The bullpen just really worries me.
Pirates – 5, Brewers -6
Earlier in the season I called Mr. Greinke overrated. I stand by it. A 3.92 ERA is nothing to laugh at by any stretch, but it’s certainly not an All World ace either. Those numbers definitely do not get you a Cy Young and quite frankly Jeff Karstens easily has more than twelve wins if he is a Brewer.
His opponent on the mound this time through is no ace though either. Brad Lincoln will be making his his second start of the season for the Pirates and he looks to get his first win of the season as well. That would double his career total in wins so this is a biggie for Brad.
Lincoln hasn’t been very good at all in his time with the big club. He had a decent start against the Nationals, his second straight season debuting against them, but has thrown in relief the whole time he has been back up with the big club.
Say, that’s actually a quality start. His four relief appearances since? Yuckers. He hasn’t recorded a decision, but the Pirates are 1-3 when he has shown up to “relieve” pitchers. He has not allowed an Inherited runner to score, but that’s just because he hasn’t been given any runners. He has allowed five runs though.
That’s good for a 7.94 ERA over those four games.
Greinke on the other hand has been the Dominator as of late.
I think that’s a very apt photo to go with Greinke, since his career has been filled with ups and downs, both on and off the field. Much like a rollercoaster.
You know what has me a bit annoyed though? I couldn’t find a picture of the Dominos Pizza Dominator! Do you remember that? We used to order that beast, which was a yard long, and order some WWF Pay Per View. Ahhhhh simpler times.
Anyway Greinke has rattled off five straight wins. In fact he has also rattled off seven straight quality starts!
He dominated the Dodgers in his last outing.
And before that he dominated the Pirates.
In his other game against the Buccos he was good enough to get a win too!
When your teams gives you nine runs, that is good enough.
Lincoln has not faced the Brewers this year at all, but he did face them twice last season.
His first outing was a quality start in which the Pirates would lose but he would get a no decision.
And this is why numbers can be very misleading. His next outing, in fact his very next outing. He got smoked.
The Pirates would actually go on to win that game 11-9! Obviously he didn’t get a win out of that one but man, what a weird two games.
Prediction – I do not believe in Lincoln at this point in time. Fastball is too straight, change-up is nearly non-existent. Zack Greinke is on a terrific hot streak right now and is pitching lights out amazing.
Pirates – 1, Brewers -8
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.
Prior to this year I had high hopes for Mr. Ohlendorf. In fact I predicted that Ross and Jmac would combine for 23 or more wins. Well Ross is gonna have to get his shite together if he wants to make me appear to be the genius that I clearly am!
No Ohlendorf only made two starts so far this year. That really puts a huge dent in your win totals, and his injury really put a huge dent in his ERA, 7.27? Bad form Ross! Or should I call you Curtis? Whoa whoa, Ross it is.
Sorry about that. Low hanging fruit? It’s not entirely accurate though. Ross is a rough and tumble guy, not a metrosexual like Ross Geller from friends. How about this?
That’s a little bit better. After all with the way Ross perspires during his pitching performances he is clearly hustlin’ out there. Though he doesn’t seem like the thugish type. He is more eclectic, more cerebral.
Yeesh, we are really getting off topic here. I think the following is the most accurate of all these reaches.
It’s good ole’ JR!!!!! A true Cowboy, a hero, and someone who probably sweats a whole bunch when he does anything. You can’t tell me Good Ole’ RO hasn’t had his face smeared in BBQ sauce while wearing a Cowboy hat! This is you Mr. Ohlendorf! In twenty years.
Moving right along, baseball. Like I said Ohlendorf is making only his third start of the season after going on the DL very early.
His opponent is Marco freaking Estrada.
You knew I as going to do that. I’m that freakin’ predictable. But be honest for second. You have laughed at that picture. You have laughed at the undercurrents of homosexuality in CHIPS itself. You have made a mockery of Erik Estrada, who is a legend, but any one of you would have taken that picture if you looked like him! Any one of you would have starred on CHIPS for the fame and fortune this titan of cinema had drizzled upon him.
Now about this Marco Polo fella. He is pretty meh. He spent most of his time this year as a bullpen arm making just six starts in thirty four appearances. One thing we all remember him for though is pretty much dominating the crap out of the Pirates on August 13th. If you don’t remember try this on for size.
That’s right! Marco freaking Estrada allowed one damn baserunner over five innings of work! You know what the final score of that game was? 1-0! Unreal huh? The Pirates just can’t beat the Brewers, even the mediocre ones! Ross Ohlendorf’s last start was in the darn minor leagues!
So who wants the good news? Well here it is!
Boom! He sucks on the road! That means the Pirates have a chance! Well maybe, this is still the Brewers.
I know I haven’t talked much about Ross the Boss, but there isn’t much to say. Did you know he was 1-11 last year? Besides I showed a bunch of funny pictures and threw in some witty comments. Hopefully I was able to get some laughs at least?
Now how has he fared against the Brewers lifetime, you ask? Well not bad at all. Just see for yourself.
Now those numbers are pretty good against any other team. They WILL NOT get it done against Milwaukee though. In fact a Pirates pitcher has to be able to trick a Milwaukee into running the bases backwards, therefore literally taking points off the board for the Pirates to be able to beat them this season. If anyone can figure it out though it’s the Princeton alum and certified genius.
Estrada hasn’t faced the Pirates too much in his short, but uninspiring career. He also hasn’t allowed a run.
Yeah, take your small sample size and sit on it Poncho.
Prediction – Something’s gotta give. Ohlendorf was the Pirates best pitcher last year in many people’s eyes and he was pretty good in four Triple A starts. This is kind of getting to the make or break point for Ross. He is no spring chicken, and his constant injuries really bring into question his durability, and really by extension his spot in a big league rotation.
I really don’t feel too highly about Estrada though. He has been wholly mediocre, his last outing against the Bucs not withstanding.
Pirates – 6, Brewers – 3
Game 4 – Kevin Correia, RHP (30) vs. Shaun Marcum, RHP (29)
Oh great it’s the road warrior.
Wait, never mind. He is awful at PNC Park! Actually he is kind of awful in general and hasn’t even gotten a patented Correia win since July 28th. So much for having to purchase one of these bad boys.
Oh yeah he is facing someone, although at this point in time does it really matter? I could probably give up less than the 75 runs Correia is due to allow in this one.
Marcum is a pitcher who is also on a bit of a roll. In fact he has not registered a loss since the 29th. Of June. Think about that for a minute. In his last ten games he has just one loss. He also has seven quality starts over that span to go with his four wins.
His last outing was against the Mets where he picked up a W.
His outing before that was actually against the Pirates. He dominated but did not get a decision, despite the Brewers winning the game!
That was the second time Marcum made the Pirates his personal play thing. The first came on April 13th at PNC Park.
He would pick up the win in the Brewers 6-0 victory at PNC Park. His mound opponent? K-Core!
Oh yeah! Correia would give up every single run in that loss.
That was actually his first loss of many to come this season. He managed to top that outing in his next one against the Brewers! He masterfully combined his run allowing ability with his quick exit strategy to finish with this beauty of a line.
Don’t think it’s over yet. Correia actually managed to pull a decent outing from his magic hat in his last start against the Brewers! He still got a loss, keeping him perfect on the year, but at least he pitched like a professional baseball player and not a drunk 58 year old beer league softball rookie.
I’m gonna just skip the home/road splits here because let’s face it. We all know just how bad Correia is at PNC, we don’t even need to see the proof in black and white, and quite frankly I can’t stomach writing another couple hundred words about Kevin Correia.
Prediction – Really? Do I even have to do this?
Pirates -1, Brewers – 185
|Player||vs. Narveson||vs.Greinke||vs. Estrada||vs. Marcum||vs. Brewers|